“It was just a pat on the bum”. “It was banter”. “It was 10 years ago, it can’t have affected her that much”.
These comments are the reasons women don’t report sexual harassment. I write this as a woman, but I know men are victims too.
My partner asked me this week if I’ve ever been a victim. I thought about it for a few minutes and I said, no, probably not. And then I read the UN’s definition of sexual harassment.
It says sexual harassment includes rape and sexual assault, unwanted touching and unwanted contact. It also includes referring to an adult as a girl, hunk, doll, babe, or honey; whistling at someone; cat calls. I’ve also spoken to friends as they shared stories of flashers and groping. Of sleazy comments and wolf whistles. As they did, I realised. I have been a victim. And I can’t think of a woman who isn’t.
There is a difference between a pat and a grope. There’s a difference between banter and comments that leave a mark on you. Women know that difference, because women have invariably been subject to it.
It’s only when you start thinking about it, you remember the man who stood too close and touched you, the person on the bus who grabbed your knee. The comments that you just couldn’t shake. But women cope with that because it’s what women do.
We put a safety pin in our wrap dress to raise the neckline. We check for a knicker line. We sit down in a changing room to see if our dress rides up when we sit down.
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